CincauHangus.com

It’s been a while since I got into a real thing again. Although, I can’t really consider it as ‘real’ yet till things are actually ‘real’. But I’ve stepped too deep, still who am I to say such things.

I thought after 4 years, things would turn out better, but as you can see nothing work well so far.

4 years gone by but never it came up again. But this thing, I stepped into a state of frenzy, again. Although there’s nothing to worry about yet there’s nothing I can do to turn it off.

It’s like a dagger on the inside of my body, suppressed by 4 years of ignorance and uneventful years, trying to pry its way out now.

Paranoia is really the word. The fear of losing. The fear of it collapsing at the moment I can’t have anything collapsing on me again. Last year was close, but I got through it maybe because it wasn’t too deep.

I just don’t want it to happen again. Instead, I want it to work, but no pressure, really. I even don’t mind the waiting..

*pinky promise*

But some things do put me in a state of paranoia. Sometimes I keep apologizing because I feel I did something wrong somewhere, although sometimes I know I didn’t. I can’t help myself. Pity case really.

But after talking even for a bit, the fear goes away. Imagine an empty cup. Each time I get a little paranoid, a little water goes into the cup. Once it gets full, it’s really a frenzy. But each time I expressed myself, some of the water gets poured out. Then things go slightly back to normal.

Try plotting it onto a graph. It’s like a balancing game. I need to keep myself in check. *bangs head*

Each of us has a scar, I just grazed mine.

Maybe, it’s really 3 words, 8 letters. Add in ‘REALLY’ after the first letter.

kthxbai.