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I, as a male, has been living off my past for the past 5 years. Everything I’ve done now is solely based from the collective experience from the past. Why 6 years and not 22 years? Because that’s is when I got caught in my first relationship.

At the moment I’ve 8 ex-es. When’s the first love? The 4th ex of course. Ever since then I’ve been looking for the right one but yet I couldn’t find it. 5th, 6th, 7th, 8th. All of which didn’t make the cut. Weirdly enough, not all I pulled out from the relationship.

So now, I’m looking for the 9th. What else better than the one that I’m going after.

Unfortunately, everything started off with the wrong foot in, and it is very hard to turn things around.

I’ve not been able to sleep for the past week properly, occasionally slept like a pig because I had a collective amount of up-time of more than 36 hours. Migraine starts to set in as well.

I’m not too sure who or what am i blaming. I’m not even too sure what am I thinking about. Yet, at times I keep saying it’s karma for what has happened in the past. Past has been haunting me you see.

I don’t usually open up like this, especially to my blog, on a everyday basis. Yes, I do think about writing like this everyday, especially when I’m bathing or sorts where I’m in my comfort zone of pure emptiness. So if I’ve hurt anyone in the process of this post, please forgive me. I’ve been up for more than 24 hours and haven’t slept since..

I had a chat with two of my close friend today about everything that has been going on. Each although coined it differently, has the same meaning. It’s a one to one relationship and it’s not many to many relationships. (Try googling this terms and see what comes out. Mostly geek stuff. Thus making this a geek related problem. pun intended.)

One of them mentioned about a book that I had before but I never actually got to read it. Until now.

The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists by Neil Strauss.

I know that there are some big shot people that are actually using these tactics to get girls, attention and what so ever. psst, did I mention David is one of them? *wink*

I am a geek, and I intend to use every part of geek brain everyday. So, I got a audio version of this book, 3 hours worth of it, split into an hour each segment. Audiobooks for the ipod for those who has an Ipod. Listening to it while reading it on the computer screen actually made me interested.

So I started listening & reading the book. One hour passed and I was still interested on what methods to get a girl to respond to you. Tactics, words used, magic (hmm reminds me of someone).

First part was about this guy, the author who’s job is a writer, having problems picking up girls from bars and clubs. So he started off by subscribing to newsletters about the community. The community was comprised of hundreds of pickup artist from around the world and each of them coming out with sure-to-get-girls formula and teaching it to other people who needs them.

Group theories, Isolation methods, neg techniques. Everything. I’m pretty sure a psychologist student would enjoy a book like this.

There was even a word that is used to coin people like me in this situation that I’m having.

Oneitis.

That was chapter one. It’s been a while since I read a real book.

But I stopped for a while to do some work and talk to her. Which turned out horribly wrong. I retreated and tried not to beat myself up. I should have given a deeper thought about what I’ve done, because that was a commitment to her. I should have known.

After work, about 2AM, I told myself I needed sleep else I won’t be waking up to meet her today. Plus we were going to talk. Not sure about what, but I had a strong hunch that it was going to be serious.

1 hour passed, I was still awake. Another half an hour passed, I still couldn’t sleep and I was getting hungrier by the minute. So I got my Ipod and started listening to the 2nd part of the book. I assumed it was a true story because it was mentioning big names like Tom Cruise and Britney. If it wasn’t, well it would be a good read listen after all.

I lied down on my bed and closed my eyes, listening to every word my Ipod mentions to me. I was a shut off completely from the environment. I no longer hear my fan making squeaks, my medals banging into each other and the occasionally cats running around outside.

So the 2nd part talked about how things went well with the author. How he pick up girls and scores later. Every single detail was mentioned. I was thrilled of course. I’ve been passive when it comes to real life and I freeze up every now and then.

I was beginning to have thoughts on how to proceed today.

Part 2 ended but I was still wide awake. Is there more? I was contemplating on whether to sleep or to continue listening. Tried sleeping but I wasn’t tired, am still hungry, but ain’t tired.

Part 3. There was more, but not what I expected. I began to realise how things actually came out at the end. It’s always easy to get any girl you want, even the one. But it takes more to seal the deal with the one. Of course it could turn into a fling or one night stand, but what happens after that was, unexpected.

It also mentioned about how the one chooses you and not the other way round.

Then it hit me. Yes the heart aches and the thoughts are really killing me, but at the end of the day it’s not about me. It’s about her. I’ve always told myself to be a little more selfish when it comes to this, because it’s worth fighting for. Yet, it’s not the charm, the skills, or the methods to get a girl.

It’s the end game that counts.